so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
