haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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