i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
