just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
