I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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