i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
