Kareoke will never be a sober sport
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
