did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Randomize
