If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
