Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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