his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
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