I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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