Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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