lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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