I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
