Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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