Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
