I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
