When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
