I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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