I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
