I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
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What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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