I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
