____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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