Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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