Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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