2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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