How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
