I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
