Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
im six kinds of drunk right now
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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