He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
