a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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