i jhust puked up my retainher.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
