your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Just cropdusted the office
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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