im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
