Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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