In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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