he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
