I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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