I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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