"it" just moved
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
