You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Never joke about your clitoris.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
