For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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