She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
