she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
