Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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