fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Randomize
