I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
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Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
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There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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