i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
