For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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