Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
