Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I donβt know how to feel about this.
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