I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
