Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
