I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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