Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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