Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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