i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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