So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
