i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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