I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
