If i come over, it means nothing
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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