you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
