If i come over, it means nothing
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
It's blow job season.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Randomize
