Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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