I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
