Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
