Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize