today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
