just tell him i said nine months
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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