I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
