Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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