I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
