I think scott just propositioned me for sex
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
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