69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
