I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Blood and glitter go together right?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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