I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
