I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
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