Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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